In the news this past week has been a story of a Portland couple who was just awarded $2.9 million in a wrongful birth suit. Did you catch that? A wrongful birth. They had a test done when the mother was pregnant to find out if there were any abnormalities or down syndrome was a possibility. It came back negative. The hospital was wrong so the parents sued because they would have terminated the pregnancy had it been positive. The horrifying thing is that multiple studies have found that 89% or more mothers terminate their pregnancies when they find out they are carrying a child with down syndrome. This literally makes me sick to my stomach.

We have friends with a down syndrome baby and he is such a gift. Yes, life is more challenging. Yes, it’s not what every parent dreams of. But sometimes the best gifts come in an unexpected way.

I just keep thinking about the quote from the boy who the book Heaven is for Real is about when he says, “There were so many little kids.” This is why. Countless numbers of babies are killed every day because they aren’t wanted or aren’t going to be born “perfect.” What a sad world we live in; it just truly breaks my heart.

I know some people were angry at how they portrayed the whole adoption situation making Zoe out to be a young, dumb, teen who got knocked up, had a mean boyfriend, chose adoption and then changed her mind last minute. It’s statistically true that the majority of those who place children for adoption are between the ages of 21-28 (if I remember right from our adoption classes). But those situations with teens still happen.

They also made Julia out to be a crazed woman at times who only wanted a baby and would do anything to get one. This too isn’t a fair representation but also shows the desperate feelings that come along with the inability to have a child and the love you can have for one who isn’t yours biologically. She went to great lengths to care for Zoe and wanted what was best for her. Adoptive moms are not the enemy.

A friend of mine (who has adopted internationally) commented that she hoped the story on the show didn’t scare families away from adopting (because they know first hand how incredible it is). I hope it doesn’t either. It’s true, the way they ended the story doesn’t make anyone want to jump right into that heartache but unfortunately that ending is sometimes reality. Our lawyer had adopted three children and had two birth moms change their mind on them; one of the babies they even took home only to have the baby removed days later. Oh the agony. She constantly reminded us that it wasn’t the norm to have a mom change her mind but it also happens and she knew that better than anyone.

I’ve said it before that stateside adoption wasn’t my first choice, I had my heart set on international adoption. The main reason for that was that I didn’t want to have my heart broken by a birth mom changing her mind and the thought of open adoption was just too scary and unknown for me. But God had other plans. We actually had the potential of adopting from a college student before we met Brittany but that student changed her mind about us. It was only a few weeks of possibility and my heart was still broken. I still pray for that little boy, the one I never met and only had the possibility of loving. So what in the world made us even think of doing that again? The same thing that makes anyone try to start a family, love for a child not yet known and hope for a future with children in your home. So I would say it’s love and hope, that’s why you do it (and maybe some God intervention along the way too).

No one knows what tomorrow will bring. No one knows that having a biological child will end happily (I know families who have lost newborns) just as we don’t know the end of an adoption story will end happily. But I do know that living in fear of the unknown only steals the joy of the miracle it all can become. Is it downright scary? Yes. Is it worth the risk? Absolutely!!

Watching the episodes of parenthood the past year have made my heart ache, my chest tighten, I find myself holding my breath (literally), tears have definitely been shed. Watching the possible adoption unfold has felt very close to home and it’s weird to watch it on tv after you’ve been through it honestly. If you don’t watch the show Parenthood then I’ll give you the brief overview (on one of the story lines). There’s a family who wanted to have more children, were told they couldn’t, she (Julia) met a girl (Zoe) that works at her law firm who is pregnant and wants to give up her baby and ends up choosing this family. Over the course of the show Zoe and the family grow close, she even lives with them for a while, they go through the stress of getting the birth father to sign the papers, the nerves of sharing with their parents and family, preparing a room, all the while knowing in the back of their minds that something could go wrong and that room may remain empty. Then the phone call comes in, her water broke, the time has come. Their son is going to be born. The adoptive mom (Julia) is in the room with her when the baby’s born, she’s there for the pain of it all, and then Julia gets to hold him first. Oh the joy for her and the pain for the other. Hot tears streaming. Then Julia watches Zoe hold her baby, fear grips. Will she change her mind?! This is the most brutal time for an adoptive family. The baby is finally here, this is real, and yet, there is still a small chance it could all be gone. Oh the agony. And this story did end so sadly for the adoptive family. Zoe changed her mind and their hearts were broken. This isn’t just tv; It’s real life. Situations like this happen (in some form or another, whether you agree with how they portrayed it all on the show or not) and it hit home with me.

I’ve been reading blogs of other adoptive parents and also those of birth mothers. Honestly it’s hard to read sometimes but I want to hear others perspectives and how they go about the whole open adoption thing (because it’s not always easy). One blogger wrote, commenting on the episodes of Parenthood, that Zoe had every right to change her mind (which is true) and that even though it was sad for Julia and her family that they knew the risks and it wasn’t their baby anyway. I have to disagree. You don’t have to carry a child biologically to feel like it’s your child. The moment we said yes to Brittany and adopting Isaac, he was becoming ours. When I saw that ultra sound picture, I fully felt like he was our baby. When I held him for the first time, it were as if I had birthed him myself. I get asked all the time if I felt the same with Isaac as I did with Jenna? And yes, yes I did. I know this is just my perspective but this is how it was for me.

This show is real, raw and relateable and this story especially has been emotional for me.