We are living in a time in history that feels full of chaos because there is a lot of chaos. There’s a lack of integrity in systems and society, and a level of division that doesn’t just affect our communities, it makes its way into our personal lives and relationships.
As I do grief work with others, one of the most predominant forms of grief I’ve been seeing lately is deep hurt caused by other people and broken relationships. And that impacts us deeply.
In evidence-based grief recovery, we talk about 1% responsibility.
What does that actually mean?
It’s not responsibility for what someone else did to us. It’s not blame for the harm we didn’t cause.
It’s the acknowledgment that we were present in that relationship — that we made choices to hope, to trust, to stay, to keep showing up, long before things ended the way they did.
That 1% isn’t about fault. It’s about agency.
It’s where we get to begin taking our power back.
Because no matter our circumstances, how others have treated us, or how chaotic the world becomes, there are still things we get to choose. We have the power to take action on our own behalf.
That’s the heart of evidence-based grief recovery — not pretending the hurt didn’t happen, not excusing what someone else did, but reclaiming your own power to complete your relationship with the pain.
- We get to choose integrity.
- We get to choose how we care for our emotional, physical, and spiritual health.
- We get to choose the people we allow close to us.
- We get to choose boundaries.
- We get to choose whether we respond from our values or from our wounds.
- We get to choose when to speak up.
- We get to choose when to walk away.
- We get to choose whether we continue patterns that hurt us or begin creating something different.
And sometimes taking back our power doesn’t look big or dramatic. Sometimes it looks like…..
Getting out of bed.
Taking a walk.
Calling someone safe.
Going to therapy.
Praying.
Writing it down.
Setting the boundary.
Telling the truth.
Resting.
Choosing not to become the kind of person who hurt us or like the oppressor in systems of injustice.
We may not get to choose what happens to us.
But we do get a say in what happens next.
And in a world that feels increasingly out of our control, maybe that’s where we start:
With our 1%.
If this speaks to something you’re carrying or you can’t stop ruminating on a past hurt or hard relationship, I’d be honored to walk through it with you. Reach out anytime for a free consult to see if the Grief Recovery Method is your next step, your 1% that could bring some much needed freedom, power and healing back to your life.