I don’t know about you but as I get older I don’t get more adventurous or more comfortable with being uncomfortable. It seems like I should because over the years I’ve seen God do great things through stepping out in faith, being adventurous, doing the uncomfortable thing. Instead however, I want more today to be safe and comfortable than even yesterday. Maybe it’s because I have kids, I know that they depend on me to be wise and a constant in their life. I have a husband I love and don’t like to leave behind to do crazy things; I want to experience it all with him.
So when the opportunity came up to go to Costa Rica and take a team of University of Portland students along with another staff guy I was excited but also terrified. One of my dear friends (that I had a chance to disciple when I was a student at OSU) is helping lead the year long team with her husband that is currently serving in San Jose and to go encourage her is one of the big draws of this trip as well. I won’t lie, it’s not someplace I feel “called” to go. But here’s the thing with feeling “called” as many people use that term; Sometimes there’s a need and an open door and God says Go. It’s in stepping out in faith that He begins to cultivate in you a heart to love and serve the people in the place that you’re going. God says to tell ALL people about Him, love ALL people, not who you feel “called” to. I said I NEVER wanted to live in Portland but here I am, way out of my comfort zone in a crazy city that I have grown to love. I may or may not fall in love with Costa Rica but I know that God loves that place, I love God, He raised up 7 students within the first 3 weeks of school starting at UofP to go on this trip and so I’ll go.
Here’s another thing that makes me uncomfortable, I feel out of practice spending hours and hours with college students. I wipe rear ends still and am trying to convince my toddler to not climb and jump off of every dangerous thing there is in the house (although, this sounds like a college guy as well). What it comes down to is that I feel inadequate. I feel rusty, a little old, and inadequate. But here is what God keeps reminding me, He is adequate and that’s all I need. He’s given me years of life experience, years of walking with him, and if I’m willing to be used then He can use me.
What happened to the young,
stupid adventurous girl that went off to Africa by herself for 3 months, lived with a stranger, and did ministry in a foreign land? I’m not sure but I’m hoping that brave side shows up soon. I only have 3 weeks to prepare. And really, I think Matt’s the brave one; he’s staying home with the kids all week. Good luck honey 😉
So if you think about it, pray for me, my family while I’m away, the financial support to come in for the team of us going, for the students going to encounter God in an amazing way, for the Gospel to change lives and that we would encourage the team that is there serving faithfully.