It’s graduation season.
Your feed is probably full of smiling photos, caps thrown in the air, proud parents, celebrations and soon, dorm room decorations.
And truly, it is beautiful.
My daughter’s graduation weekend is still one of my favorite memories. Family and friends gathered to celebrate her. We were so proud. It felt like the beginning of something wonderful. Because it was.
But what we don’t talk about enough is this:
Even happy milestones can bring grief.
In fact, most big life transitions do.
As we planned for college, bought dorm supplies, and helped move her into her new space, there was genuine excitement about all that was ahead for her. We had prayed for this school and we wanted this for her. It’s the healthy progression of raising kids to leave the nest and become fully flourishing adults. That was always the plan.
And then came the goodbye.
The hug before we left.
The flight home.
Walking into a house that suddenly felt too quiet.
I still remember how strange it felt to see her empty bedroom.
Her sibling quietly sitting in there sometimes, just missing her.
Even the cat wandered around crying and sulking for days.
There was joy.
And there was grief.
Both existed together.
One of the definitions of grief from the Grief Recovery Institute is:
“Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.”
That definition explains so much. Because graduations, weddings, moves, career changes, retirement, and new seasons all change the rhythms of our lives.
Our relationships shift.
Our routines change.
Something familiar ends.
And even when that change is good, wanted, and hoped for…
we still grieve what was.
I think many of us dismiss our sadness during happy transitions because we feel guilty for feeling it. We say things like this to remind ourselves……
“It’s all going according to plan.”
“This is what we wanted.”
“I should just be happy.”
But grief doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful.
It means something mattered deeply to you.
My daughter just finished her sophomore year of college, so graduation is a couple years behind us now. This summer she came home for just one weekend before leaving again for an internship in Washington, D.C. We encouraged her to take the opportunity. We want her to travel, grow, and fully live her life.
And still…
two days did not feel long enough. That’s the both/and of parenting. The joy of watching your children become who they’re meant to be…
and the sorrow of realizing how quickly things change.
Change is one of the few guarantees in life.
And emotional health isn’t found by denying the hard parts of it. We cannot fully experience joy while constantly suppressing grief. To numb one is often to numb the other.
So maybe you’re in a season of graduation, weddings, moving, or another life transition. Maybe you’re celebrating something beautiful while quietly grieving what’s ending. If so, I hope you let yourself feel both.
Celebrate.
Cry if you need to.
Go for the walk.
Talk with someone safe.
Honor what mattered.
Because grief is not ruining the experience.
It is part of the experience.
And if you find yourself stuck in the pain long after the transition has passed, don’t carry it alone. Reach out for support. Healing is possible.