A Loaded Question

You hear this question all the time “Do you believe that God is good?” But here’s an even more interesting question, “Do you believe that God is good to YOU?”

The first day that I sat in the cancer center waiting to see my hematologist I had a million thoughts running through my mind. I was pondering whether God had made me well enough. How did I get the short end of the stick in so many ways (in my mind)? Is God really good? And then as I walked down the hall I saw patients hooked up to chemo lines and I thought “God loves them so much and is so sad for their suffering.” I even prayed that God would meet them in their pain and they would know how loved they are. Ironic isn’t it? I believed more strongly that God loved them more than me. Why is it that I can trust God’s plan for others more naturally than I trust His plans for me? Maybe I’m not alone in my twisted thinking, but that’s exactly what it is, twisted and wrong.

So during one of the sessions of our cru conference when the speaker asked, “Do you believe that God is good to YOU?” it hit home in a very real way. Do I believe that through all the hard things that God is good to me? What I’ve been processing for years really she put into one direct question, aimed at my heart, and then I had to take a good hard look at what I’m really believing. If we all believed that, how differently would our daily lives look?

Just because I’m a missionary doesn’t mean that I have it all together and my theology is sound all the time. I wish it were different but I’m a work in progress people. And I’m thankful that 14 winter conferences later God still chooses to speak to my heart at these things and draw me closer to himself. What a good God we serve indeed. And yes, He is good to me.

So as you start this new year how do you answer that question? I’m going to try and focus on God’s character and remember that He is indeed good to ME, even if in one month we may be homeless. You may have to remind me, I’m painfully forgetful.