More Thoughts from Parenthood

I know some people were angry at how they portrayed the whole adoption situation making Zoe out to be a young, dumb, teen who got knocked up, had a mean boyfriend, chose adoption and then changed her mind last minute. It’s statistically true that the majority of those who place children for adoption are between the ages of 21-28 (if I remember right from our adoption classes). But those situations with teens still happen.

They also made Julia out to be a crazed woman at times who only wanted a baby and would do anything to get one. This too isn’t a fair representation but also shows the desperate feelings that come along with the inability to have a child and the love you can have for one who isn’t yours biologically. She went to great lengths to care for Zoe and wanted what was best for her. Adoptive moms are not the enemy.

A friend of mine (who has adopted internationally) commented that she hoped the story on the show didn’t scare families away from adopting (because they know first hand how incredible it is). I hope it doesn’t either. It’s true, the way they ended the story doesn’t make anyone want to jump right into that heartache but unfortunately that ending is sometimes reality. Our lawyer had adopted three children and had two birth moms change their mind on them; one of the babies they even took home only to have the baby removed days later. Oh the agony. She constantly reminded us that it wasn’t the norm to have a mom change her mind but it also happens and she knew that better than anyone.

I’ve said it before that stateside adoption wasn’t my first choice, I had my heart set on international adoption. The main reason for that was that I didn’t want to have my heart broken by a birth mom changing her mind and the thought of open adoption was just too scary and unknown for me. But God had other plans. We actually had the potential of adopting from a college student before we met Brittany but that student changed her mind about us. It was only a few weeks of possibility and my heart was still broken. I still pray for that little boy, the one I never met and only had the possibility of loving. So what in the world made us even think of doing that again? The same thing that makes anyone try to start a family, love for a child not yet known and hope for a future with children in your home. So I would say it’s love and hope, that’s why you do it (and maybe some God intervention along the way too).

No one knows what tomorrow will bring. No one knows that having a biological child will end happily (I know families who have lost newborns) just as we don’t know the end of an adoption story will end happily. But I do know that living in fear of the unknown only steals the joy of the miracle it all can become. Is it downright scary? Yes. Is it worth the risk? Absolutely!!