Bonding

I’ve been asked a lot about how bonding is going. The question is framed a little differently every time but I think I understand what they are asking, do I love Isaac like he’s my own biological child?

I attended seminars on the topic of bonding, attachment, trauma, etc. and read a few books. Enough to scare anyone to death of the possibilities that we wouldn’t bond with our child and reconsider adoption. I even know of a few friends who have had a hard time with bonding to an adopted child. However, for me it hasn’t been difficult. I look at Isaac and my heart almost explodes with love for him. I felt attached to him from the time I saw the 20 ultra sound and then when I watched him pulled from the womb my heart grew even more attached. The first clutch of his hand around my finger sealed the deal. This little man had stolen my heart. I often feel as though I’ve bonded more quickly to him than Jenna because her first 10 days were in the NICU separated from us and breastfeeding was such a challenge. It’s hard to feel love toward someone trying to destroy a loved body part. Sorry if that was an over-share but it’s true.

All that to say, I think that bonding is going great. I love my little man more than words can express. I feel so blessed to have two beautiful children to love and raise.

Another thing I’ve learned and experienced is more of God’s love for us. I picture Him looking at me like I look at my children. I also don’t think that bonding is just a feeling. I think it’s a choice. I feel love for Isaac but on days when it’s not going well choosing to love him is real love in action. That’s what God does with us. So I don’t think it will always be a cake walk but it’s one that’s worth taking.

Do you have any experience with bonding and adoption? I would love to hear it.